The Note-less Genius

The Note-less Genius

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The Note less Genius:

For any college student who intends to start a career upon graduation, grades mean everything towards achieving the end goal. The majority of students who have to work to get that 4.0 understand the sacrifices necessary in order to make this possible. Long hours in the library sipping on Red bull do yield results but the truth is not all students have to work this hard in order to achieve the all desired 4.0. For the few who can listen to music while fully understanding the association between economies of scale and oligopolies, everyone secretly is jealous, but more than likely others despise you.

Phrases Casually Stated:

  • “I cannot remember the last time I actually had to study for a test. Oh yeah I remember, my freshman year of high school there was this one exam with my biology teacher. Dam… she gave the best oral feedback.”
  • “Who carries a backpack anymore?”
  • Genius: “What did you get on your last test?”
  • Hardworking Student: “A B-, what did you get?
  • Genius: “An A+… Again!”
  • Hardworking Student: “I stayed up all night and had hot pockets for dinner, just to study for this test.”
  • Genius: “I slept like a baby after taking a dump on the green way. I love college!”
  • “What did I not do last night, oh yeah, study for this bio final.”
  • Genius: “Oh, it looks like you could use some help with this concept.”
  • Hardworking Student: “If you do not mind helping, I would really appreciate the guidance.”
  • Genius: “I would love to help, but the new Call of Duty game came out last night. If I don’t prestige tonight then I’ll be behind schedule. Sorry!”

Personal Traits:

Positive

  • Genius
  • Ecofriendly (Use Less Notebook Paper)
  • Active (Clubs, Sports, Politics, other Causes)

Negative:

  • Too smart for one’s own good
  • Careless
  • Emotionless towards hardworking students
  • Narcissistic

Attire:

  • Shirt or polo commonly associated with an ivy league school
  • Baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt throughout the day

The Senior Citizen

Image made possible by  freedigitalphotos.net

Image made possible by freedigitalphotos.net

Years fly by and time seems to disappear in a flash during the college experience. Time can seem like an endless a case of 40’s at a good party, but the truth is that some older students do not have luxury of youthful faces, hip cloths, and fully functional hips. They have other luxuries instead, the ability to connect with professors, purchase new textbooks, and opt out of tests.

Phrases Commonly Mumbled:

  • “What is a portal? Last time I checked this was not magic 101 featuring Professor David Copperfield.”
  • “Where is the nearest bathroom?”
  • “I just had my corneas replaced; can I see your notes?”
  • “You’re a bag!”
  • “Put something on, those damn panties of yours are showing again!”
  • “Where did I put my pencil? (10 minutes later…) Oh, it’s on the desk.”
  • “I swear if I see another kid’s pants around his ankles I’m going to smack his ass with the belt!”

Personal Traits:

Positive

  • Humorous
  • Experienced
  • Determined to succeed
  • Charitable
  • Trustworthy

Negative

  • Mumble/Shout
  • Judgmental
  • Ignorant
  • Obsolete Ideas

Attire:

  • A baggy knitted vest
  • Gray, tan, or brown slacks which are short and hiked up to the neck by suspenders (men)
  • A dress one size to big in conjunction with a lack of mid-body support

The Leisure Loudmouth Traveler

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For those of us you have had the opportunity to study abroad, I personally congratulate you for taking the courage to step outside of your boundaries. Now for the majority of students who have not had the opportunity to study abroad, I truly can sympathize with the misery you might be experiencing on a weekly if not daily basis. You might be asking, “What misery is he referring to?” Well, there is a rare but present subgroup of study abroad students who managed to pick up a case of Trans-Atlantic verbal diarrhea. If you are one of the students who understand what I mean, than you probably have encountered this subgroup.

For those of you who still have no idea what I am referring to then maybe a few statements commonly uttered by this this group can ring a few bells:

Phrases Commonly Uttered:

  • “Oh My God! Did you check out my Facebook Photo’s from my trip to Paris? Seriously, there is nothing more Romantic than the Eifel Tower!”
  • “You know Starbucks tastes like sweetened motor oil after consuming a French Café au lait.”
  • “I swear if I ever go back to Tokyo, I am going to adopt one of those cutie Asian babies.”
  • “When I graduate I am going to move to England and pub crawl for the rest of my miserable years.”
  • “I think I want a baby kangaroo instead of a new Ferrari for my birthday daddy.”
  • “I literally smoked myself into a comma every day in Amsterdam. I enjoyed every second of it considering I did not have the toilet on standby in case of a raid.”

Personal Traits:

Positive:

  • Book smart
  • Easy to talk to
  • Adventurous personality

Negative:

  • Lack a brain that functions in the real world
  • Too easy to talk to
  • Narcissistic
  • Immature
  • Ignorant

Attire:

  • A trashy piece of memorabilia that is not remotely associated with the culture by which the person intended to wear the item for
  • Constantly appears to have a backpack no matter whether the situation constitutes the need for one (humpback syndrome)
  • Backpack, purse, or wallet filled with expired boarding passes